Well, we’ve had a rough couple of days. The kids are still not out of the woods yet. Leilani has been having many problems the worst of which is an infection. The infection is confirmed, but we don’t yet know what it is. We do know it is a blood infection. Because of this she has been having other problems to deal with. Her blood pressure is very low, and her oxygen has been desaturating everytime she gets her cares done. They’ve had to bag her many time today after moving her to change a diaper or what have you. She’s a fighter and she will get through this. I have faith. She needs all the prayers and good wishes she can get, though.

Her brother still shows signs of an infection, however, they have yet to be able to grow anything in the culture… He’s been having problems with blocked tubes for his airway, desaturating his oxygen levels, and he’s still quite swelled up. While we were there, a funny thing happened. Well, not funny really — more interesting… Leilani had to be bagged because she was desating from being moved and fussed with. Rhys’ stats dropped at the same time, and the nurse could not find anything wrong with Rhys. As soon as sister was fine, Rhys was too… I know I know… Still, it makes you think. I can’t wait until they can be together. Right now they are rooms away…

To make matters much better, shift change at 7pm found Leilani with a resident… Ugh… A resident. My heart sank. I thought, why would they put a resident with such a sick baby!? What if she makes a mistake? What if she’s not ready? Why can’t she be with a healthier baby? Then I look around and quickly came to realize that all the babies in the NICU are very sick… It’s a NICU! But, I still feel selfish. Why can’t we have just the one nurse with our kids that we like? Idealistic… I know. Unrealistic… Turns out the resident seems quite knowledgeable, and they would not have let her in there if she weren’t. It is so hard to trust someone with the health of your child. We have to, I realize, but it is still very difficult. I came to learn later the resident is Filippino, so she can’t be all that bad, right? ;)

Rhys and Leilani are both fighters, and I thank god for that. This is their best asset aside from the nurses caring for them. They will both make it, and we’re going to live happily ever after.

I can’t begin to share the feeling of helplessness you get when your child desats, or gets a blocked airway, or their blood pressure drops out… You feel as if your insides have been instantly hollowed out — infintely empty. I think that best decribes how I am feeling… Infinitely empty…

Mom and Leilani

Rhys