So, here I sit, pondering over the multitude of interesting things going on in my life. Of course, by multitude, I actually mean a starving, sucking void. I don’t think I’ve done a bit of side work in weeks! WEEKS! I’ve come to the conclusion that a bit of Old Daddy Brain is setting in. Before it gets too out of control, I’m thinking I need to resurrect one of my side projects.

The real problem is my energy level. Talk to me right now, and I’m raring to go. Ready to work work work — on something interesting. But, here I sit at work with not one interesting thing to do. I still have to do these things, and for the record, I’m on my lunch break, you clock nazi. So, the natural solution is to work at home, right? But, man, you get home and jump right into playing with your kid and doing other things. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just a thing. So, by the time your daily allotment of free time rolls around, you are completely tapped…

Why am I telling you this? Well, of course it’s because I’m the only one who feels this way and I’m trying to share with the world what unique problems I have in my life… Kidding, of course. I’m just at a loss for anything else to write… So there. Hopefully I can find a burst of energy to get some work done. I should start drinking coffee when I get home at night. :)

For the love of Sweet Baby Jesus can we just let evolution take its course?

This just in: Complete Idiot Almost “Dies” After Eating Cheese from McDonald’s. In his defense, apparently everyone on his planet is allergic to this strange Earth substance known as cheese. Being the hyper picky foodie that I am, I can understand this fool’s plight. Especially when you go to a fast food joint. You tell them no onions! You tell them AGAIN NO FREAKIN ONIONS! Then you look at the sandwich and WTF is that? ONIONS! My god, it pisses you off to no end. But, you know what? I know that I have a distaste for onions, so I check my freakin burger, because it’s an unpleasant experience to bite into an onion.

Now, let’s check check out this Rocket Surgeon’s train of thought…

Wow! I’m hungry. I think I’ll go to McDonald’s for two QPs! I should, however, note that I am allergic to cheese. In fact I could DIE if I eat cheese. So, I will be sure to tell the underpaid, doesn’t-give-a-crap-about-me, burger flipper that I can’t have cheese. I will in fact be sure to tell the order taker, the payment taker, and the server the same thing. Surely then, it will not have the deadly cheese substance on it — because it can cause me to DIE!! Next, I will take my QPs to a darkened room, and proceed to immediately shove them into my mouth. I won’t check them for cheese, because I don’t have time to look for the bright, unnatural, yellow color melted all over my hamburger. I MEAN CHEESE IS SO HARD TO SEE!!! AND I TOLD THEM FIVE TIMES!! … … OMG I’M DYING!

That’s it in a nutshell (no pun intended). This guy’s family decides to speed him to the emergency room (since he’s dying). After the hospital “saves his life” (the $700 bill is telltale of the heroic effort it required), this smacktard and his super genius family are now suing McDonald’s.

So, in conclusion, how did this suit even get past the hysterical laughter of the judge? I mean, for christ sake, I check my burgers like I were looking for the black plague, and all I do is vomit if I eat an onion. This guy could DIE, and he doesn’t check for CHEESE!? Have you ever tried to find a lone McDonald’s onion on a QP!? Ugh…

Let me start this post by saying I’m not judging. I’m just making some observations, and raising a question or two.

When you become a parent you start noticing things you never noticed before. Your perspective changes on a lot of things. To be cliche, it changes your life. Blaaaaaah, I know. It’s a cliche for a reason, though. Those annoying kids at the restaurants won’t bother you quite as much because you understand the plight of the new parent. You start seriously thinking about the image you project — if you haven’t already. EVERYTHING else in your life becomes less important. It gives you a new perspective.

More after the jump.

Wanna read the rest of What Happened to the Family Unit??

I hate iTunes. On the Mac, in OS X, iTunes was pretty damn nice — I must admit. However, in the PC/Winders world, iTunes is a bloated dog of an application. I received a free 30GB Video iPod from Spacely Sprockets when they gave me my Surprise Vacation ™, and for what it does, I love it. I can put my music library on it, and it aggregates my podcasts. Arguably, it is responsible for my new podcast habit. So, I love all that about it.

More after the jump…

Wanna read the rest of Microsoft + Portable Devices = Retarded?

So, life has been lightly punching me in the throat lately. Nothing real big, just a bunch of small things that have really got me down. Yes, that’s life; I know. I just feel like writing about it here, rather than torment my wife with my venting. Welcome to my catharsis. ;)

Why do rebates/upgrade offers never go smoothly? I STILL don’t have my rebate for my new phones, and customer service is much less than helpful. Thanks Alltel. According to what I’m being told, you are still within the time frame of successfully meeting your end of the rebate agreement, so you’re still ok, but I’m watching you.

What’s really got me furious is — wait for it — Microsoft. This new Vista operating system of theirs. As most of you know, if you purchase a computer or XP it is coupled with a Vista Upgrade certificate/thingy. Well, I’ve done two such purchases. One from New Egg and one from Dell… The one from New Egg will let you get to the screen where it asks for your COA ID. Then tells me that it is unable to verify the COA ID. This is a Microsoft site. It says to call customer service… The Dell one lets you fill out the entire form and put in your CC# for shipping, etc, and then it pops another screen for your to “Confirm” your details. Well, that screen’s fields are blank. Both in IE and Firefox; yes I thought of that. It’s just so sad. It’s hard to argue that companies don’t bank on you giving up and not going through with the offer… So, to you guys, I give the heartiest “Fuck You” I can muster… bastards…

In other news, I quit smoking today. That ought to help lift my spirits. Heidi’s mom vomited in Heidi’s car when she got a bit sick yesterday. That really helped lift Heidi’s spirits. Rhys has been extra cranky… Honestly, he’s probably feeding off dad… Well, that and the little monster needs a nap too! Both my headlights went out on my car yesterday. LOL YAY!

Whatever, we’re just riding in the wake of life. Just like everyone else… That’s what vodka’s for, right? ;)

Ok, just thought I’d stop in here and update all three of my readers on the progress 2007 is making… Yes, that was your warning that a rant is coming.

I’ll start by stating my standard disclaimer. I understand that life is good. I have a roof over my head, a wonderful job, and food in the kitchen (much to my dismay sometimes). Blah blah blah. But, remember, it’s all relative, baby!

So, let me see if I can recap the goings on since my last update. When I last left you, I was sick as a dog, Rhys was sick, I’d been laid off, and my health insurance had been canceled… Among other things of course. Where are we now? My insurance is still canceled, I’m JUST getting over being sick, Rhys is still sick, and Heidi is sick now too. In addition to that, my ex-work AOL account is more screwed up than a Parkinsons patient after a fifth of whiskey, and my other free AOL account is in just as much turmoil. Yes, AOL is Spacely. Blah blah blah don’t give a shit. Like it was a big secret.

So, I’m trying to get my “free” account converted over to a paying account… A paying account that I will use on the “free” billing plan. This is the account my mom uses… Oh, hi mom. Get ready for some bad news. :) Anyway, I called up AOL. The IVR system asked me to tell it what my screen name was. So I say, “ABCDEFG”. Now, obviously that’s not my screenname, but it will suffice to get my point across. The IVR bitch comes back and says, “You said your screenname was JUHETFG#%$^%$@$^%$GSHF!@YFFD$#, correct?” No, I’m serious, the damn thing didn’t even get one letter correct. … NO! I’m not drunk! … Yet.

After the amazingly intelligent IVR system gives up on me, it transfers me to a human being.

AOL Guy (in such a thick Indian accent I thought I was renting a hotel room): “Thank you for calling AOL. My name is … Mike … How can I assist you?”

I swear to god he paused before saying “Mike”. I figure Mike must be short for Hashnanibabbawabidabba or something. Anyway, the gist of our conversation is Mike can’t help me without verifying the billing method I use for the account. I can’t give him the billing method on the account, because IT WAS A FREE FUCKING ACCOUNT THAT HAS NO BILLING METHOD.

After I hung up on … Mike … I called the mental midgets at the employee account security department (OPSSEC) to beg them to help me. I might as well have tried to color a fart blue, however, since I would have had much better luck accomplishing that task. Where does this leave me? Exactly where I started, only now I’m sure I have a new friend or two in the form of bleeding ulcers.

Mom, if you are reading this, no worries, I have a way figured out to keep you all setup with your precious AOL setup. Though, I will be talking to you soon to try to convince you to use a different service. One that doesn’t enjoy eating babies and sucking out the souls of good people.
AOL, you are like a seeping, sucking chest wound. Even now after I have been “healed” I still have this massive scare to remind me of why I hate you so very fucking much. Thanks for truly appreciating the 12 years of service I put in with your sorry, piece of shit company. I hope the leadership guiding that worthless, unholy, trainwreck of a service wakes up tomorrow to find rabid, mountain goats gnawing on their extremities. Yes. Those extremities! See you bastards in hell.

As if all that shit wasn’t enough to send me into a murderous rampage, my computer took a shit. A huge shit. I can’t remember if I’ve already told you guys about that crap. Well, I got a Dell. But, I tried to load XP from my collection of XP disks laying around my office and each one of them blue screened. Reigning theory is SATA drives, or lack thereof is causing it. Or perhaps the fact that the new machine is 64bit. Either way, I ordered XP 64bit and now have to wait LONGER to get my machine up and running.

I swear, too many “little things” are going wrong. I’m going to lose my mind by February at this rate. And if the neighbors don’t slap a muzzle on their furry little barking shit machines I’m gonna post a recipe I haven’t enjoyed since I lived in Korea. Ok, off to bed with me. With any luck I’ll trip and fall and meet my fate on the tip of a steak knife or something. LOL