“Where do you want to go for lunch?”, says I.

“Subway!”, says Freya.

Let’s see. Healthy food. Relatively cheap. Close by. Ok, Subway sounds great. And that it did. Mike, another co-worker opted out of this most fantastico of ideas, obviously being the smarter person in our little group. You see, it “sounded” great. But, unfortunately it “smelled” like 5 day old garbage vat. You know, those industrial garbage can things which are never really 100% cleaned out. If you’ve ever walked by one of these things as someone is hosing it down (a rare event in itself), then you know exactly what smell I’m talking about. That holy evil of vileness is now what seems to be permanently integrated with my clothing. Yes, that’s right. I smell like I went dumpster diving for my lunch hour. Fucking awesome.

I’m happy to say, however, that it doesn’t smell as vile as whatever the hell happened in our office fridge. Holy bleeding christ that thing smells terrible. I mean, knock flies off a 3 ton stack of shit kind of hideous funk. Seriously, upon discovering this we noticed: 1. Ice in the freezer portion is brown. 2. There is enough heat being generated from the “ice” that ice cream barely stays solid. 3. The smell makes driving through Texas seem pleasant. The reigning theory is that Brian, another co-worker, decided to blow his sphincter whistle into the freezer and quickly shut the door. Thus allowing it to cultivate and become a sentient being… We haven’t opened the thing in about two weeks since that fateful day. I’m thinking of wrapping caution tape around it…